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Let me apologize for who I am

Journal Entry: Wed Aug 26, 2015, 7:58 PM
I'm really tired of feeling guilty for my inadequacies -- like the fact that I'm slow to heal and move on, the fact that I sometimes (well, often) rack my brain over piddly things that won't matter in a week, and the fact that I take things personally when I shouldn't. I'm tired of constantly feeling like there's something fundamentally wrong with me, and behaving accordingly.

But I can't seem to stop. 


This Journal Skin was designed by Night-Beast

She's a daring girl, and a talented one too

Journal Entry: Tue Aug 25, 2015, 4:57 PM
Our very own SheDares has recently started gracing dA with her superb music covers. Give 'em a listen!





And while you're at it, take a peek at her gallery. She's got some real gems in there, both written and visual. ;)

This Journal Skin was designed by Night-Beast
  • Reading: Mrs. Poe by Lynn Cullen
  • Watching: Dexter

You know what would be nice?

Journal Entry: Sat Aug 22, 2015, 9:53 AM
If I could go one day without screwing something up. :facepalm:


On a more positive note, some word beauty:

opine slopesfacets averted,
no brilliance should be
demanded to writhe
this way
loveliest prisms
in shatter
on full display
every chiral surface
impacted with
rampant fracture
past sins in
actuarial fables
enraptured
and we all
can only hear
a murder, dear
and stable
these are
our versions
of facts
  flatlinei feel the remains of my love lie within a ghost
i’ve forgotten the sweet scent of your breath, echoing
against the fresh, porous sheen,
the surface of my breast, exhaling onto my presence
fingers trickling against my collarbone, the meaning in your movements
that shook you as you reached out to grasp me
no one could ever replicate the way you held me
i could never replicate the way my body felt pressed between your sure palms
clear blue eyes that unflinchingly stared into mine that stung me
too sharp in their sincerity
too honest, too real
i am in love with a ghost
i surrender, to me
   self-hatred isn't beautiful, but she isand i can't fucking talk to her
because her laughter
is like birdsong, but prettier
and her smile is sunlight
and my name on her lips is a melody
and me?
i am nothing but cracked lips,
a tired smile, wilting flowers,
and 3 a.m. excuses for poems,
one mistake after another,
and i know she could fall for me,
but she won't,
because no one ever does.


LittleHis parents were shouting,
and hated each other,
flush-jawed and aching across
the cheap table, the cheap hot rash
of kitchen air all filled with meat and
3 veg and everything else,
so the boy went outside,
where it was a desolate and bitter July,
with the paddock grasses of frost-slick knives;
went outside,
sat down,
drew his knees up to his chest
like a foetus
held loose
in the black coiling
womb of sky.
A mad neighbour shouted – a cow
lowed, a soft sad call.
He stayed sitting
for a while
kept small
kept his blood cool
until he'd lined his lungs
with winter, bright.
  Salt and Vinegar (Twitbit 5)keeping secrets,
he hides raccoon eyes
and scrubs red from the carpet
  the unendingthere's a cavern in this cadaver. noise ricochets off hollow walls,
intensifying the immense desire to initiate my demise.
my soul split after the ellipsis tricked the will out of the innocent.
i have little motivation and the voices make my head spin,
leaving me wasted and short-changed at the frontline again.
let me sink to the fourth regiment. take my bayonet-
i have no need for it now, not when my skin sings for silver
and i'm begging for the end.
we won't be saved til we're dead, but corpses never know they're saved.
i'll lay in torment in my grave long after dirt covers my face,
but misery to me is commonplace, like my disgrace.
"you can't go to heaven unless you get high"- well, i've tried,
but my withering physique is merely shame with a face.
i asked entrance, and the doorman could not recognize me.
he said, "this place is for souls, not for the embodiment of self-loathing."
he denied me admittance and bid me good riddance, kicked me from the clouds,
and i fell back to living


This Journal Skin was designed by Night-Beast
  • Mood: Anxious
  • Reading: Mrs. Poe by Lynn Cullen
  • Watching: Dexter

Ah, Saturday... another week bites the dust

Journal Entry: Sat Aug 15, 2015, 12:01 PM
1.
Thinking of keeping a journal to jot down thoughts and feelings. A few days ago I had a pretty intense bout of depression and after writing for a bit I felt considerably better.

2.
I've been watching Dexter on Netflix for the past few weeks, and holy hell, I am loving it. Why didn't I get into it sooner? On second thought, it's probably a good thing I didn't. The wait between seasons/episodes would have killed me.

3.
I finished the WWII documentary. Really liked it. Now I'm on to anther historical documentary my work friend has got me wanting to see called Vietnam in HD. I'm looking forward to it, though my friend warns me it's going to make me yell at my TV.

4.
Speaking of my work friend, he's been introducing me to a lot of insanely good music. Tell me this isn't beautiful:



Or that this doesn't reach your soul:



4.
:heart:

Skin by Jassy2012 and Stars by LouiseAndMacky
  • Mood: Peaceful
  • Reading: Mrs. Poe by Lynn Cullen
  • Watching: Dexter
Some people leave you
like metal-
cold & hard.

Some leave you
splintered & useless-
like wood chips.

Let's count paces for
each of the times we fucked up,
turn & shoot each other's hearts out.

Today I break my inhibitions
& say a word I never let myself say:

       

                     Goodbye.
Last Word
A poem I had stowed away in a notebook for a long time. Found it and decided to post. 
Loading...

Let me apologize for who I am

Journal Entry: Wed Aug 26, 2015, 7:58 PM
I'm really tired of feeling guilty for my inadequacies -- like the fact that I'm slow to heal and move on, the fact that I sometimes (well, often) rack my brain over piddly things that won't matter in a week, and the fact that I take things personally when I shouldn't. I'm tired of constantly feeling like there's something fundamentally wrong with me, and behaving accordingly.

But I can't seem to stop. 


This Journal Skin was designed by Night-Beast

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TheEmptyChest's Profile Picture
TheEmptyChest
R.M.
United States
Here's looking at you, kids.

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The opposite of love is: 

53%
25 deviants said Indifference
32%
15 deviants said Hate
9%
4 deviants said Fear
6%
3 deviants said Other

Comments


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:iconithaswhatitisnt:
ithaswhatitisnt Featured By Owner 1 hour ago  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so very much for the watch!! :tighthug: :heart:
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:icondeepgrounduk:
deepgrounduk Featured By Owner 3 days ago
Hello and thank you for the fav, much appreciated :-)
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:iconwaynebenedet:
WayneBenedet Featured By Owner 4 days ago
Thank you very much for the :+fav:
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:icontheemptychest:
TheEmptyChest Featured By Owner 4 days ago
You're very welcome. :)
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:icon91816119:
91816119 Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2015   Writer
Thank you so much, hon.! How are you? :tighthug:
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:icontheemptychest:
TheEmptyChest Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2015
You're most welcome! :heart: And I'm alright. How about yourself? :hug:
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:icon91816119:
91816119 Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2015   Writer
Glad to hear it! I'm well, thank you. :huggle:
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:icontheemptychest:
TheEmptyChest Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2015
:tighthug:
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:iconmidnightrider79:
midnightrider79 Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2015
Thanks for the Fav... :heart: :hug:
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:icontheemptychest:
TheEmptyChest Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2015
You are most welcome. :tighthug:
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