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To my watchers

Journal Entry: Sat Apr 19, 2014, 12:30 PM
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59 watchers left! Just 59 more to go and I’ll be done! Eee, I’m so excited! :squee:

I want to explain why I’ve been doing this, and why I’m so determined to see it through, because I don’t think anyone truly understands. I posted a couple of journals ago that I have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), and one of its defining factors is inconsistency. People with BPD are very unstable. One day they’re goth, the next they’re punk. One day they’re neurotic, the next they’re laidback. One day they believe they’re basically good, the next they’re sure they’re fundamentally evil. It’s like being stuck in a rat maze, and it’s absolute hell. You never feel genuine, never quite your own person. You can say you’re going to do something and want to, truly want to, but in the back of your head you feel you can’t be trusted – because you’re not resolute, you're indecisive and impulsive – and so you live in a constant state of shadiness, of not trusting yourself, of fearing that you’ll let people down. And you hate yourself for it. Shame blankets itself around you and holds you in a dark place, and you just want to stop existing. Because not existing is better than living in shame.

This thing I’m doing – this going through my watchers and commenting on their work thing – has been a beacon of light to me. A small light, granted, but it’s made me feel like I can accomplish something. Like I can stick to something and see it through without being influenced or pushed – like I can finish something on my own, simply because I chose to finish it. It might sound like not that big a deal, and it might not be in the long run, but it gives me a sense of validation, and so it’s important to me.           

Journal skin by TwiggyTeeluck
  • Mood: Optimism
  • Reading: Neverwhere
  • Watching: Xena: Warrior Princess


TheEmptyChest's Profile Picture
United States
They say the eyes are the gateways to the soul.
Look deeply into mine. Whatever you see, that is me.

Featured by DLD by IrrevocableFate DD Stamp by tRiBaLmArKiNgS Zodiac Stamp 'Sagittarius' by Sharkfold I love these people by Dia-Linn I Sniff Books by MademoiselleGrief Old Movies Stamp by SailorSolar Don't know what to say by eranashine Best Writing at Night Stamp by HarukaWind QUOTESQUOTESQUOTESQUOTES by endler ++ BPD Awareness by dimruthien Left handed stamp by WhiteKimahri I Love Fonts by ClefairyKid Stop Learning, Die Stamp by SparkLum Remembered Stamp by WetWithRain It's a peanut in paste form. by Chocolatebonbons121 Writer by Shadowed-Midnight

Do you believe in an afterlife? 

12 deviants said It doesn't have to be heaven or hell or pergatory, or anything religious like that. It could be any kind of an afterlife.


Add a Comment:
Queen-Kitty 3 days ago   Photographer
Thank you for the favorites!  Glad you enjoyed them! :aww:
You're very welcome! I certainly did. :D
Hurricane-Hannah Apr 12, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks for the :+devwatch:
GrimmAssassin Apr 11, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks for all the kind words, I hope I can repay them with time.
You're welcome! And don't worry about it, your comment in payment enough. :)
Loveislightblue Apr 9, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Hello lovely! Just stopping in to see how you are!

How's it going beautiful? :)
Hello to you too, dear! It's so sweet of you to think of me. Thank you, I appreciate it. :heart:

I'm doing alright, how about your lovely self? :D 
Loveislightblue 6 days ago  Hobbyist General Artist
Ah, it's my pleasure, truly. :)

I am quite well, had a bit of a rough patch, but nothing I can't fix with promises of food. xD
What's new with you? 
Thanks for the faves!
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