Advice from a Buddhist

I'm reading this book called When Things Fall Apart by an American Buddhist nun named Pema Chodron, and I thought I'd share some passages from it with you all—passages that really struck a chord with me.

"The painful thing is that when we buy into disapproval, we are practicing disapproval. When we buy into harshness, we are practicing harshness. The more we do it, the stronger these qualities become. How sad it is that we become so expert at causing harm to ourselves and others. The trick then is to practice gentleness and letting go. We can learn to meet whatever arises with curiosity and not make it such a big deal. Instead of struggling against the force of confusion, we could meet it and relax. When we do that, we gradually discover that clarity is always there." (Pg. 27)

"When we talk about hopelessness and death, we're talking about facing the facts. No escapism. We may still have addictions of all kinds, but we cease to believe in them as a gateway to happiness. So many times we've indulged the short-term pleasure of addiction. We've done it so many times that we know that grasping at this hope is a source of misery that makes a short-term pleasure a long-term hell." (Pp. 44-45)

"In order to feel compassion for other people, we have to feel compassion for ourselves. In particular, to care about people who are fearful, angry, jealous, overpowered by addictions of all kinds, arrogant, proud, miserly, selfish, mean, you name it—to have compassion and to care for these people means not to run from the pain of finding these things in ourselves." (Pg. 93)

"When we hold on to our opinions with aggresion, no matter how valid our cause, we are simply adding more aggresion to the planet, and violence and pain increase. Cultivating nonaggresion is cultivating peace. The way to stop the war is to stop hating the enemy. It starts with seeing our opinions of ourselves and of others as simply our take on reality and not making them a reason to increase the negativity on the planet." (Pg. 111)

"When we feel squeezed, there's a tendency for mind to become small. We feel miserable, like a victim, like a pathetic, hopeless case. So believe it or not, at that moment of hassle or bewilderment or embarrassment, our minds could become bigger. Instead of taking what's occured as a statement of personal weakness or someone else's power, instead of feeling we are stupid or someone else is unkind, we could drop all the complaints about ourselves and others. We could be there, feeling off guard, not knowing what to do, just hanging out there with the raw and tender energy of the moment." (Pg. 117)

I've never been a big fan of "self-help" books. Most of the ones I've come across just seemed very bullshit-y to me. But I have to say, this one is amazing. I don't necessarily agree with every single thing Chodron says, but she has opened my eyes. She's gotten me to think in ways I've never thought in before. Highly recommend the book!